FOUND and lost forever!!!!

my beloved safari hat with its ornaments

from many trips! found once again!

After many months of searching without success, and many months of poking around here and there in my unsettling life anew in the Bay Area, where I live among boxes and bags of my stuff... some from Spain two years ago... others from Eugene... almost a year ago... I have finally rediscovered my floppy safari hat!

Yeaaaa, you're wondering: what a big deal for nothing! It seems that way until you realize that we all have some piece of whatever that we really identify with. It may be something soft like a piece of clothing, or a treasured gift given to us by friends, family or the such. In my case, this is a soft khaki-type safari bucket-type hat that I purchased while in Morocco which I simply could not find anywhere in my part of Spain. So, I wore this on hiking trips, on foto excursions and of course, anytime I thought the sun would be beating down on my aging skin.

My hat and I have been a lot of places... We have seen clouds and miles of flying bugs in southern Germany, worn for a few brief days of ~ unbelievably ~ sun in southern Sweden. I've of course worn it often in and throughout Andalucia, and in my few trips with groups and friends in Morocco. I've taken it with me to Vietnam and Phuket, Hong Kong and Bangkok, and on several foto trips through the USA. When I moved from Spain to Eugene, I wore it a few days but the northwest weather just didn't support use of such a hat. Being a soft-brim hat and not rigid, I can wear the hat not only to protect my head and skin BUT have the capability to still use my camera without having to remove the hat, or flip it around as in the use of baseball caps!

When I moved to San Francisco, summer was just ending and I last saw it in the back of my car.... I always suspected where it had crawled by itself to hide from me all these months, but I just couldn't figure out its whereabouts.... my things from Spain and Eugene just filled every nook and cranny. If I searched, I would have to lift and look through layers and boxes of stuff!

With summer's last roar upon us these past days, I intensified my search for this beloved partner in crime, and today, told to me by a passing pelican, I decided again to search a spot after all, there I saw my "lost" Real Madrid scarf all comfortable and waiting for its discovery too.

So as I type this in the chill the fog has slipped into my little room, but I don't care because I finally have my treasured hat again!!! yaaaaaay!!!

Now the hot sol will probably disappear for the next few months!!! During the last few wekeends when I needed it, it was intense at the street festivals visited throughout the Bay Area. One weekend Palo Alto, the next Mountain View. The other day in Millbrae and what about that one in Los Altos? Oftentimes the very same exhibitors as in others, but a few ones I haven't seen before. I enjoy talking to the artists and photographers.... to get their insight on photography, the chore of setting up, etc.

So, what's your favorite item that you cannot live without?

I just had to add this glorious scene of sunbeams and clouds from last night, seen from I-80 westbound before reaching the toll plaza of the Bay Bridge. Enjoy!

UPDATE: Lost while photographing races of the America's Cup in San Francisco in 2013,when the wind blew off my hat while I was at the end of the pier! It sank slowly in the water....   sigh 

Architecture and the City Opening Night 2008

Went with friends to the Architecture and the City Opening Night Party downtown sponsored by the American Institute of Architects. San Francisco has such a wealth of old and new architecture that is so amazing, spanning many types of cultural designs ~ it's almost like heaven for architects to come here and see the beauty of both dwellings and buildings!

Here are some pictures from last night's event and am hoping to be able to photograph more in the upcoming days! I think I snapped too many floral arrangements ~ last night my sinuses went crazy and I couldn't breathe!!!
I was hoping to be able to photograph more of the events associated and some outstanding interiors BUT the AiA-SF woman I met tonight who promised to call me didn't... so I am again left in the cold and the outside trying to look in. I love architecture but with my measly financial state, I cannot afford to attend these events unless invited. grrrrrr

NO creativity in the Bay Area

... seems I am the only one in the Bay Area now discovering that San Francisco is a desert ~ many people filled with hot air, mainly talking but with no action or follow-up. I am a serious photographer who can't find any creative minds or individuals in this City ~ not a one ~ to work with. Though I've worked with a few who have come as far as an hour or more driving distance from outside the Bay Area, nobody in the City is serious or mature enough to shoot with! It's frustrating and I can probably blame it on my lousy terrible images that I can't even sell to save my life or to give me a decent job when others with less experience and even less creativity and theory of photography are happily working as "photographers".

My disappointment is WHY do people who call themselves models continue what they "do" if they don't model? I've talked with a few "models" in the immediate Bay Area but all those have disappeared ~ lack of seriousness, lack of maturity, lack of intelligence or just plain stupid individuals who think they are models, but disappear faster than a fly upon sh*t. It gets depressing.... most of their emails don't even consist of more than five words... lack of intelligence?

Yes, I forget sometimes that some people sell themselves... yuppy, it's just like being a prostitute - except sex is not involved.... sometimes.

I'm not a whore for that blood money. I create my arte, and I have a strong passion for arte and photography that drives me and my everyday life. Unlike these whores who think of money and how much they can get each and everyday, I think also think of money... the lack of money that keeps me away from doing what I want to do... prevents me form enjoying the pleasure of photography.... and to leave this cruddy place I used to call my hometown.... so beautiful and yet so depressing to be here not because I want to, but because I have to due to my lack of money. I'd love to depart the company of those here who lie to your face, who invent tales of their lovely lie.... who sell their skin not for the passion nor for arte, but because it's an easy job and they haven't the skills nor brains to do anything else decent to earn them a living.

These persons don't see the arte; they think only of money. They don't grasp the opportunities... thinking only of that money. I wish others would see them for what they are in reality, and not work with them, but nooooo, these whores make more money in a day than I have in the past few years combined! sigh

I guess I'm guilty of that stupidity also, because I have decided for more than half my life to devote myself to a profession that doesn't earn me fame, nor money, or satisfaction. I instead am mocked by these money whores and other "photographers" for the fool I am... doing something I love and cannot live without, for pennies if I get that at all. I even have relatives who think I shouldn't be paid, saying "oh, you're an artist ~ you don't do it for the money..." Often I give away my images... (get turned down all the time) and sometimes ~ oftentimes ~ that even backfires on me!

I should kill myself and get it over with... nobody will care and nobody will miss me. People all over the world think of money..... I wish I could be more like them..... but I cannot.

I listened this morning to a perspective on the local public radio about a young man living in an area of SF that isn't too good. I was driving through morning traffic as he described how he just moved to the area when he was mugged one night while walking, and how that same day there were five shootings. Then he painted the scene of how a black man with a flat tire on a bicycle made of pieces of other bikes appeared as he had his garage door open..... he perfectly explained how he distrusted the man, thinking it was a ploy to steal from him, how he regretted assisting.... BUT he did. At one time he says, he had to go upstairs to get something and he didn't want to leave his garage door open, with all his things there. He asked this unknown man to "watch" his stuff while he was gone. Amazingly, that man was still there waiting.... and so were his things inside his garage. Finally, he explained how by helping this man, that black man had helped him too.

It doesn't make a difference what the color of our skin is, or how much money we make in a day or a year.... or the type of clothes we wear... we all need a kind word or a hand sometimes.... it's that personal touch that keeps us whole.... makes us human and different and unique.

I feel I have been cheated... of many things: my life, my photography, and many more things I won't discuss here. Sure I have more than the usual homeless, but I have been homeless before, and I have slept inside my car for days previously. The experience doesn't make me a better person but still..... I feel cheated of what I should be enjoying but cannot. But nobody cares.... and why should anyone care?

As of 29 August, that stupid MYSPACE page has been deleted. I thought that would help me find some serious models, but that was a stupid thought...

As of 1 September, I have started deleting albums and many images at my fototaker.net and by the end of September, that site will be gone too. The domain will just point somewhere else..... who knows ~ or cares ~ where.....

I help many strangers on a daily basis, but few if any ever help me.

And if I kill myself, what will happen to my apartment in Spain.....

Won't I be the lucky one to die finally and end this solitary misery?

Each day rests our individual destiny in simple steps. If we take a short step, it will guide our future and the rest of our life differently than if we were to take a longer stride in another direction.
I wonder which step will take me out of my misery.... if ever.

a walk thru the Palo Alto Festival of the Arts

....was both warm and sunny, shaded and breezy, and crowded. I didn't take my reflex camera as I wanted to actually "enjoy" it... if such a thing is possible without a camera if your photography is your life!

Got there late but amazingly found a parking spot after arriving within minutes. It was breezy enough to keep the flies and heat away and it was quite nice.

Though these street festivals have almost always the same people/vendors as in other festivals, I was surprised to see some work that I hadn't seen previously, as well as the magnificent images I've seen before. There was also an etcher whose numbered etchings were fabulous and I loved a small etching of a valley oak he had displayed, along with a full-moonrise and oak, which he explained was a new piece of work.

I enjoy telling the exhibitors what I enjoy... I don't have money so I cannot buy their work ~ the most sincerest work of appreciation and flattery for someone's art ~ but I feel as a photographer who loves comments and input about his imagery, that I must say something.

I can't afford to ever exhibit at these events though I have often considered it.... but I can admire those who do participate and whose work is so splendid to share it with others.

The following images were captured using my cell phone camera... a RAZR v3 which... in my opinion, takes some very nice pictures in good lighting. The pictures are of the street painting contest and more.....

new SF fitness center

I attended the grand opening of the Raise the Bar Fitness Center last night - what a drive! There was a baseball game downtown - avoid that area - and a music concert in Golden Gate Park - avoid that area too! As a result of these two unrelated events, traffic in all the City - it seemed - was at its limits. To make it worst, it coincided with the normal late afternoon rush hour!

I had never seen so many people on corners trying to flag down a taxi-cab! Actually, I used my GPS to avoid the hot spots, and enroute the fitness center, encountered such bad traffic that I even went "my own way". At one corner close to downtown, I encountered three persons talking out loud trying to flag down a taxi which was filled, and I just let them hop into my car and drove them toward the park, where they were trying to go to get to the concert.

Once in the Sunset district, there were long lines everywhere. Everyone going to that concert was parking every and anywhere, which made it bad for me and as I reached my destination, as there were NO places to park. I drove around quite a few times inside a 4-block area, and there was nothing in this residencial area till I found quite amazingly a tight piece of concrete into which my car fit exactly!
The fitness center was packed with people and its beautiful wood floors were glowing!! There was a huge food table set out and decorated quite nicely! The owners' families were there and the only thing I could think of was "where did all these people park"?

Four of my San Francisco prints are on the walls near the entrance, along with some paintings at the back of the fitness center.

If you want to see or go to the fitness center, it's located at 2535 Judah Street in San Francisco, between 30th and 31st Avenues, and is a beautiful location.