CSI ~ how Life imitates a living nightmare

As everyone who reads my blog ~ all four and a half of you out there ~ I love the CSI series. Living in Spain, these series just started airing probably about 2005 and I loved it from the very start. I immensely enjoy the plot, and how they show the details of how a crime scene is analyzed and inspected, how a scenario for a crime is determined and how new facts may reveal more details of the actual crime and how it occurred. But more than that, I love the human factor in these virtual tales, and how the human mind interacts with all this data, adds invariables, mixing it up with the unpredictable human factors and even the personal lives of the CSI team.... but finally, all within an hour - commercials included - it comes all together.

Often we are all exposed to the stark reality of a crime and how it looks under a microscope; what if our lives were to be placed in the public eye... how would we be seen and interpreted, and our lives, our personalities and lifestyles, habits, etc?

I also like how often the end of the episode is not as we would want; the bad guy gets away somehow, or the dirty partner is the fault but isn't charged. In this case, I saw a rerun today - I religiously watch CSI reruns every weekday and have seen many I've never seen before, and what a delight it always is when I catch those so far in the past it seems to me, to be a yet-unseen dust-covered relic from a treasure chest!

This particular one tells the story of how a brother was discovered at a crime scene. Every piece of evidence recovered points at him as the murderer; to which Grissom later remarks: "This places him at the scene and burying the bodies, but not as the one who killed those bodies". The evil brother is the actual killer and even has the nerve to send via messenger the key missing evidence required to convict the hapless innocent quieter brother. With this new evidence, he is told that he would likely see at the very least 10-20 years as a minimum, but possibly life in prison. The brother states with tears in his eyes: "I can't survive through that...." The ending of this episode has me crying as a medical emergency is called and Grissom is nearby; seeing the running police, he rushes in also.... only to see the innocent brother lying on the floor, covered with blood as he is supported by others in an attempt to save his life. This young man has used his own teeth to "slash" his veins and was "lucky" enough to hit an artery and the floor is quickly turning red beneath him... Grissom stands off to the side staring in shock, disbelief and horror.

He watches as the life in the gasping brother leaks out, as he dies with eyes open.... and Grissom now realizes he is witness to an unnecessary death of an innocent person.... his brother had turned him in to serve the death sentence which should be for him but... what in this world is right and what in this crazy unpredictable world is just, if ever?

CSI remains possibly one of the best television series I have ever seen, and most episodes move me to tears and disbelief at the outcome and unwelcome irony.

In this same theme, there are times when my own personal life is just as much an irony as any virtual life broadcast on the little screen that I have viewed. How many times can one be subject to rejection from a single person...

It is sometimes amazing ~ no: unbelieveable, how one single individual can take my life and fill it with happiness, joy, pleasure, hope and dreams, then in an eerie split second, take that same life, and with that same voice, easily and quite simply rip everything to shreds.... seemingly without a care of concern.

I have always considered myself a very patient individual with too much damn friendliness towards others and even strangers. It seems in this case though, I seem to have gone too far and allowed myself to be used and left by the wayside once too many times not by many, but by a single individual. In my life I have abandoned no one yet I am abandoned by everyone and everything.

So, here I stand at being rejected six times by a single person whom I know to such detail, I would like to think I know - knew - every thought process of this person before it would be actually revealed.

But, here I am again: amazed yet saddened that this person has again struck me down again, and this time it will be final. Am I wrong in holding on to a dream that seems to be not forthcoming? Is it wrong to dream when the other half of you seems to be holding back? Am I an idiot just because I hold on to something I have never been lucky enough to have, and with this departure, it seems as though my dream of a happy future with someone is now more fiction than a frog's pond?

How would you react if someone abandoned you so many times... am I the only idiot in this world? Or just the only one who has dreams..... never to become a reality?

Many persons have told me, yet I refuse to listen. There are people in this world who are not as they seem. Are my glasses just too thick for me to see this? I've always been a good judge of character but in this case, it seems my character has been sold out once too many times!

I think now is a good time to move some more heavy boxes, of which in my present location I have a lot of: dust-covered boxes filled with loneliness and isolation, while others over-flow with disappointments and let-downs.

It seems my measly life has had more than its share of these items.... to which there seems to be no end. sigh

nothing like a glorious flaming sunset to clear
the mind and refresh the soul

Back to my dungeon of filthy boxes.....

is this dew or my tears that drop from my lifeless arms...
falling to the ground like a million other tears before

those sunbeams last night

It's been sometime since I have gone with camera in hand to capture a sunset ~ any sunset ~ in the Bay Area. As most of the haze hanging in the air as a result of smoke from the remaining forest fires isn't as evident as it was months ago, the sunrises and sets are not as smoky red as before, but oftentimes, this area has such natural color that it's not necessary for fire smoke to "enhance" a sunset sometimes......

Tonight I decided to snap some sunset pixs from the curved pier at the foot of Hyde Street Park... I haven't been there in some time. I've actually wanted to snap some for the past weeks, but for one reason or another haven't gone on my personal mission.... till last night. This pier is always a (very) breezy place... people were there crabbing and fishing, kids playing and running all around. Of course the seagulls were out in full force gliding, flying and landing. I could see pelicans occasionally flying by, the flock gliding in perfect formation of a single line just inches over the wind-blown white-caps of the bay, and tourists were everywhere snapping away at the glorious scene before our eyes.

Someone or thing attracted my attention, and as I looked to the right, all at once being blinded but also amazed to see the last seconds of the sun disappearing behind the Marin County headlands, but the sun was spiking, being positioned exactly just behind the north tower of the bridge...

It was simply amazing and one that I've never seen ever!
There was a slight fog over those hills, which made the sunbeams stand out quite well, and it was a incredible sight...... I stood there transfixed and at the same time snapping away... hoping to get what my eyes were blinded though amazed by the light....

Minutes later I discovered myself ~ quite by an intentional accident ~ near Alamo Park and in the quickly fading soft sunset light, decided to double-park illegally, run up the hill (oh my hurting knees!) and snap a few more pics......

Did you see the sunset where you live? Were you amazed by what you saw: the end to yet another day but yet another day in your life?

those amazing toys

... it took me quite a few years while I lived in Spain before I finally purchased a cell phone. I withstood the urge thinking that tiny bit of progress would infringe on my sanity and privacy. After hearing the same statement from many friends "How can I contact you for fotos if you're never home?" which of course, after I got a cell phone the calls never came....

Of course!

Sometimes it's really amazing the toys and things people can create when time and creativity is not a problem.

Take a look at these two pictures... incidentally not created by me but by my brother. Guess how these were created? It was taken using the first version of a very small and simple "camera"; the circular effect a result of a fish-eye lens "adapted" to fit over this camera's lens.

Isn't this amazing?

When one has the moment to stop, sit and take a deep breath and look around them... they will see a lot of things that are so amazing... just think that in a normal household, more than half the things found today inside a living room and kitchen did not even exist during the previous 40 to 50 years!

Most of the things we take for granted now were described in science fiction novels or movies as things of the 23rd century.... who would ever think these gadgets would actually exist and be even "affordable" in our lifetime?

Even the car that I drive now, with its electric door locks, electric windows and air conditioning.... I've never had a car like this in my life! I'm used to driving a manual shift transmission, manual roll-down windows power by hand and elbow motion, and a door that locks when you remember to push the little thingy down, or by using your key in the lock!

I agree that modern progress and technology has a lot in making our lives more comfortable, but at what cost? I miss the days when I could control completely and exactly the amount of window I wanted open or closed by turning the lever by hand, and it didn't need any electricity.

I remember that in my short and few teen years, the greatest joys then and which still apply now, were those toys or things that required no batteries, and made me think by using my brain... our personal and amazing incredible built-in computer that comes with each of us with no warrantry but is the simpliest and most advanced computer ever created in this world.

Will this technology be the downfall of this generation and of generations to come, by creating a race of people too lazy to go out to play when one can play on a handheld game console? Will we grow wide and bigger because the only exercise is between the car, the elevator or the desk and our homes? With so much porn online, will the act of "love" become a virtual sensation through online sites? Already people are starting to date through online sites, and it won't be too long before people begin marrying and conducting relationships virtually.

At what price technology? I can't wait to return to my empty apartment in southern Spain where my car - when I have another car there again - stays parked 90% of the month and I walk sometimes up to 10 to 15 kilometers a day, eating less... much less than I do here!

This was created by attaching a fish-eye lens accessory to the "lens" of the camera of a first-generation IPhone!! What one can create through ingenuity and materials at hand!


this is a 1st generation IPhone (left) outfitted with a fish-eye lens!!!
on the right is the lens alone with a juryrigged adapter

Stern Grove and Musica Latina

before the masses assembled

Stern Grove "empty"

I spent the majority of Sunday at Stern Grove, and I must tell you: if you ever get a chance to go there to listen to music it is well worth the effort, the time and the experience. I have been gone from MY City for over three decades and I thought I was transported back to the 60s! Featured this day were the popular Bay Area group SambaDa, and Voices of Latin Rock, a combination of great music performed by a rotating group of musicians, some of who have performed with such groups as Santana, War, etc.

Prearing for my meeting with online friends around 11:30-ish on Sunday for a potluck picnic with live music, I spent over three hours Saturday night preparing and cooking two spanish tortillas for my share of the potluck. I've mentioned tortillas here before and it's not a difficult food item to make, but on the other hand, it's not the easiest thing to cook either. One should note though, that there is a BIG difference between spanish and mexican tortillas, one being made of corn or flour and being very plain and thin while the spanish version is made basically with eggs, potatoes (I always add more ingredients) and is NOT thin, and can be as thick as an inch and very tasty!

Early Sunday morning, I departed early for the area as from habit as a photographer, I always like to arrive early to see the area and get a feel for what is there. I got there at about 9:30-ish and sat in the car a while till I noticed there were a LOT of people entering the area already. I went down to see how filled the concert meadow was and was shocked at the beauty of the area, and how well things were constructed and planned. Even the restrooms were roomy, very adequate and clean, even in better condition than most pricey SF restaurants!

Though the narrow walkway was quite steep leading from the street level to the concert meadow, I can tell you now the experience is worth the walk and trouble to get there. At this early hour of the morning, more than half of the available spaces were already claimed by people who were laying out blankets to stake out their spot. I had nothing with me but the kind black woman next to the space I wanted was nice enough to loan me two blankets so I could lay down those on the grass to claim my spot, along with my jacket. I hurried back up to the car to get my folding chair, camera bag and food. Hands filled, I made it down to the spot along with a baseball seat cushion and my car windshield shades in order to claim a bigger area ~ after all, I was expecting over 16 virtual friends!

Now situated, it was only 10am as I called the group host to warn him that spaces was being taken up quickly and to get here as soon as possible. He was due at 11:30-ish and I didn't know if I would be able to hold the space till then. With lots of time on my hands, I sat and waited watching as more and more people arrived and entered the meadow with their wheeled coolers, chairs, blankets and more.

With time, the host of my little group appeared, and with time soon familiar faces appeared, and my little empty space quickly changed from nada to a filled spot with food, blankets and more!

time to munch

Of course, the music finally replaced the numerous and loud sound tests, and just as suddenly the wait was forgotten. This music was the type of tunes I listened to as a young teen in Golden Gate Park and heard on the radio. Even when I was in Rota (Spain) in the late 70s, the most favorite music played on my turntable was Santana! The music was great with many popular tunes performed which, if you were listening to the music in the 70s, it would all come back as familiar tunes you've enjoyed previously ~ but this was live! But I really enjoyed the history of the performers and music, described and well-told between each of the musical performances.

It has been many decades since I have been in the presence of live band music in a park.... the emotion and the vibes were amazing on this day, and sobered me up - I had about half a bottle of wine in me - giving me the opportunity to look back at my life, and the things I have seen, while missing the things I should have experienced in my non-existent teen life in SF which never happened. I should have seen and done a lot in my home town of San Francisco, and it took me over 38 years to finally attend an outdoor music concert in Stern Grove!

Stern Grove filled to das gills

sigh....

The food the others had brought was great, and I drank more than my fill of white and red wine. Amazingly enough, everyone who I met this day had brought wines made in Spain, and that also made me a bit "homesick", if this were possible for someone who was born in SF and having been away for over most of his adult life, and now living again in his hometown.... to be homesick for a culture, a lifestyle and for a mood that was more than a hand's width in distance on a printed world map.... How could this be?

But in the fifteen years I've lived in Spain, even in my deepest misery - and there were lots of those moments - I felt more at home in Spain than I ever experienced in my own hometown or country. In all the months I've been "living" in the states, people have noticed and advised me that they can sense of belonging when I talk about Spain... and how I can also feel that sense of "belonging"... which I do not feel when I am in the USA.

I know this sounds unusual and unamerican, but it's how I feel. I feel I do not belong, that nobody wants me here, and everything is so alien and without sense.....

Anyway, if you ever get a chance to go to Stern Grove, do so!! You won't regret it no matter WHO is playing, what is being performed, and how many people there is.... the experience is simply unbelievable!!!

a lively dance!

midget "Tall Ships"

Well, I barely survived the onslaught of cars and people who lined the coast, the piers and any street leading to these spots, hoping for a vantage point to see the ships.

As I have already seen a real Tall Ships event, this was a big disappointment for me. I expected four masted vessels, their crews up on the masts as I had seen in Spain twice.

The US Coast Guard training vessel Eagle was tiny in comparsion.... to make things worse, the other ships were tiny also. I was reminded of a small pond with little bits of flat wood with paper sails blowing across the wind-swept water. Some of the other participating vessels include the Californian, the Nina, the Bounty, the Gas Light, the Gold Star, and the Lynx. This was a great event still, enabling me to see something I've never seen before in the Bay Area.

I started at Baker's Beach and it seems after that, my life was a running blur... running from one spot, driving to another, and running again, getting a few snaps, then running yet again to drive off to yet another location, then running again. I estimate I must have run about four miles between locations and my car just this morning!

At the northern lookout point of the Golden Gate Bridge, a parking spot was the most valuable commodity. Leading the parade of 15 official participating vessels ~ and a whole lot of other unofficial vessels of every size - the Eagle made a grand entrance, with small sailing vessels coming in behind her. Up at the headlands, people were decked out in folding chairs up with tight collars up to the chin to stop the biting cold wind, but still there was a huge crowd. Parking again was impossible and I had to park so far that I couldn't see my car after just two minutes of jogging to find a decent spot to photograph the crowded bay full of sailing boats. The bay was was covered in haze due to the combined effects of smoke from northern California forest fires and smog.

The Embarcadero was no exception today as many of the vessels were tying up at piers scattered along the wharf, the farthest being piers 30 and 32 where the Eagle was berthed.

the Eagle passes under the Golden Gate

At all locations, the pelicans were again flying.... they are just such graceful birds when flying..... Visit my site at pixie to see some of the other images recorded!