I forgot

this is the nightmare awaiting me upon arrival

...a year ago at about 4:39pm, I arrived in San Francisco after a long tiring 9-hr drive from Eugene. I was barely settled in the Northwest when I had to move down here.... with increasing success on the tip of my camera lens, I wasn't too happy leaving Eugene and moving back to my hometown and have to start all over again. I really don't want to be here...

Today, I tolerate a first year here... a year that has seen me work alone, without assistance or help.... cleaning out the stuff of a deceased person, and attempt finding room where there is none for my stuff. My car was parked in the street for months with many boxes within, while blocks away cars' windows were being smashed and being broken into.

I tolerated a lot of stuff and know it will continue even more, as the work is far from finished. I estimate moving alone over 500 lbs of materials, stuff and junk in the first three months down six flights of squeaky wooden stairs. That doesn't include the mid-height piano I moved out of this same room I live in now, and out of the apartment, till months later it was finally moved ~ thankfully by others ~ out of the building. In the garage below, I've moved around probably over 400lbs of junk, gotten rid of another 300lbs, organizing the way it looks, and built some new shelves to hold some of my boxes. In the small room I live in, I started with only about one square foot of open visible floor in a room ~ guessing ~ measuring about 10'x15', and now I have about 20 square feet available of open floor space.

I don't know if I will stay to tolerate another year here.... but I am not happy and my heart is somewhere else. My only desire is to escape from my cell here.... and perhaps never return.

What would you do if you were confronted with this lovely sight?

After a year, it's not the best now but it's a much better and organized view than these above four images display. Perhaps I'll show some pixs at a future date....

When I departed Spain in December 2006, the euro was inching higher in value against the dollar - this being the reason of my departure. Since I have been in the USA the dollar has fallen since and hasn't dropped below $1.30 against the euro. Now for the first time that I know about, it's below $1.30 and still gaining ground against the euro!! Could this be a sign from that big bank in the sky to return?

Toleration and Respect...

... and I am the one who tolerates a LOT. My years in Spain has taught me patience, patience and a bit more patience. In my few months in San Francisco, I have put up with a lot to which I seemingly have gained no respect, appreciation or even praise. It seems to be all taken for granted, and someone somewhere is happy it is I doing the work, moving heavy boxes up and down the stairs, and me cleaning through the mountains of dust and not them.

Or does anyone care at all?

One can tolerate so much, and even the most tolerant will see when things appear to be worst and not better, then for the sake of all, it must come to an end. So, during the next few weeks before driving to Eugene again for a friend's wedding, I will start packing my own things for a change, and moving these items to the garage where hopefully these will be safe while I settle somewhere else. Maybe I'll hit the lottery and will be able to ship my things to Spain but right now don't have the funds to get a place of my own, and I've learned decades ago the car is not comfortable - but if I need to, I'll sleep in the car again.

So, again.... I thought of spending the money to have a new business card printed, and sure enough.... it appears I might be moving yet again! While in Eugene, I had a total of five cards made, each card due to a change of information or a move, each one now displaying old outdated information.

So it's back to the norm: once again it seems I have NO idea if I should stay or leave, and if I were to leave, where I would go nor for how long, but at least I can sleep nights knowing I can be respected and appreciated for who I am.

So, I guess the question here is should I turn a deaf ear or should I keep my chin up and forgive. I am not in a situation to move yet again - now three times in the past two years from Spain to Oregon to San Francisco - and allow destiny to have a gentler hand in my future? As the past has proven, things will probably occur again which creates my torturous existence... who knows what the future brings?