live without them: EYEs {Final seQuel}

I haven’t written about my vision in some months so allow me to expand on the condition of my eyes. I still cannot believe it’s been over 10 months since my eyes were improved through the application of the wavefront PRK procedure. I elected this procedure as I wanted the ability of looking through camera viewfinders.

Of course, I had fears..... many fears! At one time in my life, I had the best eyes in my family; then I grew up and due to bad habits around the television and drawing in near pitch-black rooms, my eyesight simply deteriorates till I needed glasses, and began wearing glasses when I was about 15 till last year. All glasses I've ever wore/used were of the photogray type, darkening in sunlight and clearing indoors. I have never used ever clear glasses and can never understand how others can buy just clear glasses for outdoors. Now glassless, I've been in bright sunlight without sunglasses and am blinded by how bright it is out there! WoW!!

if I lost my Vision ~ could I see such delights?

I used all the post-operative medication and followed all instructions to the “T”, me who short-cuts everything. I never follow anything to the letter till now and with my so-important eyes. After all, my vision is probably the most necessary item contributing to my photography, aside from my mind. I’ve know several people who have had the lasik procedure, even in Spain, and when I decided on my surgery, asked them and they just wished me luck and not one advisory or cautious word. I researched the procedure online and talked to others who have had the procedure done, and they didn’t say anything negative about their procedure except for the halo effect afterwards.

Without my eyes, how could I possibly capture this cloudy sunset?

Little by little my eyes has improved and am confident it will improve even more in the weeks to come. I expected this and discovered my poor night vision was so bad that driving at night due was out of the question almost immediately for the first three months after the procedure, but it’s improved now to the point I don’t even think of it. I use little signs and scenes seen everyday to judge my vision healing process, and it’s so improved since those earlier months. One first test each day is a small digital clock located with a black background, about 11 feet from my bed. When I started with my new eyes, I couldn’t see the bright thin digits indicating the time. Each day as I wake, this was and is the first thing when I start my day and eventually the last object I see at the end of the day. During the day I can see it perfectly, but as the light disappeared and dark dominated, I discovered I couldn’t see the numbers against the dark background. In daylight, it’s perfect but come night, I could not distinguish the numbers sharply. Starting at about the fifth post-op month, the numbers started to be slowly clear and become sharper. Today – as it has been for a few weeks now – it’s been so perfect. Sharp in the daylight and remaining sharp throughout the day till night and beyond!

It’s amazing how eyes play such an important role in one’s life. Unless one loses their sight, one cannot take something so simple and taken for granted as is breathing, but it is so important that without it one is more than “blind”, and I shutter to think what if…..

I can now see and read a USA corner street sign from about half a block away. In some cities such as SF where supplemental GREEN street signs are added in addition to the normal signs, I can see these green signs as far as a block away. I can easily read speed limit signs on freeways, highways and streets as far as a block away depending on my vehicle speed. hahahaaa I cannot wait till I return to southern Spain where the tiny antique street signs are located on the corners on the building/home walls. Much smaller than here, that will be a real test!!

Highway informational signs in blue, green and brown I can read as far as three truck lengths away, depending on truck length. Billboards on and off the highways, painted on city downtown buildings or atop roofs, I can see clearly from blocks away depending on size.

My sight is great and I know it will continue to slowly improve and give me even better vision than last week and last month. My biggest fear of this whole event was my possibly losing my eyesight, or even ending up with poorer vision than I originally had with the glasses. Can you imagine me, who lives behind the viewfinder, without sight?

I looove living and seeing without glasses! Now I’ve purchased sunglasses to shade my eyes against that brightness…. Life is very cool without those “other” glasses!!!
How can I possibly enjoy the color, the flash of lights, and the wonder of fireworks if not for my Vision?

Update 29 July 2019: Well,, all things must come to an end. About three years ago while in Spain, I had an situation while on the street where my left eye apparently did not work correctly. I had just crossed a very busy street, turned left on the sidewalk and after a few steps, in my left eye I start THREE of everything! Luckily, I had reached a corner, and there was a street sign, which I walked slowly to and held on for dear life! I closed my eyes and blinked a few times, but the condition remained. Leaning against the post now, I closed my left eye and found my right eye was still good. Closed the right eye and the condition was still there in threes. After a few minutes, both eyes were back to normal again but it did scare the film outa me! Luckily, there was an office off the street where I knew the people. I went there immediately while my vision was "normal". I explained my situation to my office friend and asked to use their bathroom so I could splash water into my eyes, and to check for anything in my eye that may be causing this. A few splashes was nice as it was a hot day in southern Spain, but nothing visible in the eye, but the vision was still good. I thanked my friend and continued home, and since that scary blind event, it has NOT occurred again. A few months later, I found an old pair of glasses and started wearing them again. My "new" fixed eyes weren't as they were before, and I had to wear glasses again. Before I departed Spain, I had actually found an old pair of glasses in my Rota apartment that worked quite well enough, and worn those till I got a new pair while visiting San Francisco in late 2016, and again another new pair of glasses on a new prescription, just a few weeks ago in western New York (WNY). Strangely but with little surprise, I was told my left eye is close to blind while my right eye is still good and correctable. Now with a NEW update pair of glasses I am able to see a lot of wildlife that Sheila would point out to me but I couldn't see, and would miss entirely! It was kind of my sister to get me new eyes, and they did last for several years, but at least I DO have eyes that function, and I can wear glasses to correct my vision.

more eye drops and that new vision

It's been some days since I've commented on my eyes... it's progressing well but I still have the sensation that it's almost like wearing my glasses (where are those?) but without the glasses. Right off I had been instructed to buy some lubricant eye drops which I did and have been using them, though I was "forced" to slack off during Fleet Week where my eyes were subject to blowing wind, debris, hot bright sun, etc. You can imagine the rest.... a total of five and more hours without eye drops, and me blinking like a madman all day!!

Just recently and through a friend of my sister who sponsored me financially for this corrective eye surgery, I was introduced to a different type of eye drops which still complied with the eye doctor's requirement of being "preservative-free"; I've been trying these newer drops for a few days and the difference is amazing! With the other type I had purchased, my eyes would dry up almost immediately and I couldn't see anything... okay ~ I can see but it's like staring through very really dirty smudged glasses. With these, I can see clearly almost immediately and up to farther distances!!

WoW!!

I also guess I haven't been thinking of my eyes because I adapted so well to my new vision... I still think of my glasses now and then, but I have adjusted quite easily - too easily I think - to my new life without the need to wear glasses. I still have them though they are useless now, and were just recently purchased at a cost of a few hundred dollars.

I've been thinking of buying sunglasses for some time to keep the wind and dirt out of my eyes. I have looked at quite a few types, but haven't plunked down the money because I had this done to have vision without glasses; if I buy sunglasses then I'll be wearing glasses again and it really doesn't make much sense!

Saturday 18 Oct: Went out and finally got some sunglasses. I just cannot tolerate any more wind blowing dirt into my fragile eyes! While at the mall shopping for these glasses, I bumped into my sister's friend who just coincidentally had purchased a box of eye drops, minutes prior with her own money ~ for me!!!! Wow! Talk about a small world!!

If you're going through this same process as I am, just email me and I'll give you the brand names, etc. My next follow-up in San Jose is in two weeks.....

Monday 20 Oct: I have experienced the halo effect that many have spoken and written about. I believe this is a result of the burring of the cornea surface just before the first cut is made; it's an undesirable end result but when one thinks of the cause, then it's not easily preventable. I've discovered that the more moistened the eyes are, the less the halo effect noted. Of course, this mostly occurs at night and when looking toward bright objects, such as headlamps of cars, street lamps, etc. I don't see it as a problem and while it's slightly annoying to this patient I see it as a very tiny trade-off for the benefit and advantage of not requiring glasses.

I was trying to park for just a minute in a yellow zone ~ yeaaaa, I know ~ and when the tires were done turning, I looked toward the parking meter, and saw the words on its post... listing the towing warning and when parking is allowed, and then it dawned on me:

I was sitting inside my car, still belted in and behind the wheel, and I could see the words on that parking meter post! Even when I had glasses, I couldn't read the words!

It's not only a miracle, this bit of modern technology, but amazing! That in some little-noticed daily routine of Life that everyone takes for granted: breathing, touching, drinking, seeing.... that I could see well without glasses for the first time in soooo many years!

Everyday is a revelation for me in regards to my vision. Sometimes I cant see well, or hardly at all, and after a few simple blinks, my vision return after the cornea is a bit more well-moisturized.

Today I was on the road almost all day and didn't get back to my cell till after sunset. I had missed two of my required eye-drop applications and my vision paid dearly... I could hardly see at all during the drive home in the dark night. However I still know that my eyesight is better now without glasses than it's ever been in the last four decades!

We take so much for granted, and we don't realize how much we have (or not have) till it's gone..... or in this case, till something that has gone bad and has been replaced.

And yes, I did try to blind myself looking directly into a bright golden sphere tonight. But one needs to see what is all around... as in most events... there is more to the eye than the main "performance"... one must look elsewhere, because the main event is often just one part of a whole scenario that often we forget to notice....

It's when we take that moment to pause for a second to see what else there is, then we can truly appreciate what Life offers and how WE also offer something in return.

Walking with a new vision...

....can reveal so much. Glasses slipped down on my nose for nearly four decades and from my very first to the very last pair of glasses owned, they have always been progressive, meaning the glass will turn dark when I am outside, and when I enter a dark interior the glass turns clear automatically. I couldn't understand why people would have a clear set and a dark set, switching from one to another when in- or outdoors. Why trouble yourself when you have have one set capable of both uses?

With camera in hand, I stepped outside today for the first time in my adult life without glasses upon the bridge of my nose, and was promptly blinded by the brightness of it all. How can people tolerate this on a daily basis? WoW! I now understand the following:
1. Having glasses serves several purposes:
a: Protective
b: Sunglasses
c: Something to do with your fingers on a hot day



Whatever will I do now with my bored fingers on a hot simmering day and there aren't any glasses to push back up? Oh, the misery!

I spent some time at the Marina where there was a festival of family kite-flying, and enjoyed the bright colored-kites but didn't appreciate the strong breeze blowing through the Golden Gate. Another use of those old glasses: a wind-block! Now I have to tolerate air blowing directly into my eyes, and it wasn't pleasant!

During this time of discovery, I stopped here and there to snap a few pictures... adjusting the camera viewfinder diopter now, a few minutes later, and again... and again. I found sometimes my left eye would see sharply, then not. Another time not, then later yes; sharply. It's a progression and I am happy I use auto-focus!

But it was something new.... though many take it very for granted to be able to walk outside with or without glasses, this is the first time since my teen-years that I've stepped outdoors without anything sliding down my nose. It's amazing the things we grow accustomed to, and how we tolerate it and even make it a necessary evil and a routine... a habit of our individual lives.

I am glad I am able to put aside finally one small but important detail of my life, and though I haven't yet purchased those reading glasses, I still am very grateful for the vision I have, and now enjoy the liberty of a vision free of other items... hanging around my neck, hanging off my nose, or something I need to remember to take with me in order to see.

It's a great sensation and very liberating!

Fourth day after eye surgery

Well, yesterday ~ not feeling safe enough to drive alone in my car ~ I rode as a passenger in a car. It's strange when you are always driving in your own vehicle, to be sitting elsewhere in a vehicle. It's a strange sensation and while it's nice to see everything pass by and to enjoy the sights, it's still an odd state of being. In this case, it was even more special as my new eyes were being tested minute-by-minute, it seems. The previous day I couldn't focus on anything with my left eye and on this day I would take turns closing my right, then my left eye and each eye could focus.... I could actually see things with my left eye at mid-day and by day's end, it was amazing to see that it was seeing very well too. I know this is a slow process where each day will be a pleasant (I hope) surprise and have I said I love these types of surprises?

It's now Sunday and the fourth day after my surgery and my eyes are even better than yesterday. I think yesterday I pushed my vision a bit too much because by time I slept at past 11pm, my eyes were as bad as if I needed glasses again, and neither could focus on anything.

Now it's again a beautiful gray San Franciscan morning and my eyes are doing well. I'm still taking the eye drops and medicine as prescribed, and am confident my eyes will be a grand performance I will rejoice in during the coming days and weeks. The hint of the end results I am "seeing" and experiencing now, and I am more than happy at this progressing outcome. That it's a slow process only pleases me more as I would have died of shock with one day being blinder than a swinging bat and the next day seeing everything in its sharp wonderful beauty!

Thanks again to everyone for your support and emails; I did stay off the computer for almost two days after the surgery as I couldn't read and didn't feel like typing, but those days are over and long gone.

I cannot wait to use the camera again and start seeing with my eyes alone, and not having to clean my glasses after a few minutes!

day three test with the new eyes

Well, things are progressing well. If you see any typos, it may be due to my hunt & peck with two fingers (or it could be toes now), my inability to see very close, or my new eyes not focusing well still, or a combination of all the above.

During day two, I had really red and swollen eyes; so bad were my eyes that I thought: booooy, you look more asian now than you ever did in your life! Now, that's having really really swollen eyes! This would happen everytime I applied the lubricating eye drops, which had me thinking: I must be allergic to these eye drops. But I was assured that was virtually impossible.

Due to the clear protective contact lenses, I can't keep my eyes open, which I was told is a normal reaction. I had scheduled my mandatory first follow-up appointment on Friday, two days after the surgery because I wanted the eyes to heal as much as possible so I could drive myself the one hour, 15 minute trip one way to the San Jose clinic.

Imagine this during day three and day of this follow-up: Driving down the freeway toward San Jose, unable to keep my eye lids open, and following any bright big vehicle in front. This worked for a while until that vehicle took an exit... then I had to find some other target to guide me well. The freeway signs passed overhead but I couldn't read them till they were well-past and too late. So, I used the GPS to warn me and that worked great. I arrived at the clinic ahead of time even and there were a LOT of people in the waiting area.... I jad left the apt wearing dark glasses found inside the apt and glad I used them; the bright sunlight was very annoying! I was comforted in seeing all these people waiting were also wearing dark glasses!

For my vision measurement I flunked that right off; I couldn't see anything with either eye but nobody seemed worried. I explained the problem with the tear drops and they said to continue using them. Then I was seen by the doctor and was informed the cuts were healing well, and that was comforting to hear.

The drive home was the same, fighting the traffic with my eyes half-way open. Then the boredom of being at home and resting my eyes ~ trying to keep them shut as much as possible... I never realized how boring it is to sit in bed and listen to CSI reruns instead of watching, but I had to keep my eyes closed. I also lost six pounds so I'm really content at this unrelated change of "lifestyle". hahahaha

As I type this it's a cloudy gray day in San Francisco and I just returned from a short walk of about half a mile. With dark glasses again, I wanted to see how well my eye lids would be while I tried to see in a normal situation. It's been three days since the surgery and I wanted to exercise those eye lids and see how long they would stay open ~ I didn't want to repeat that nightmare half-blind drive to San Jose again! My eyes were okay... the left eye is cut to be far-sighted and would be the eye I've used for viewing through the viewfinder, and the right eye would be for seeing close. But when I closed the right eye, the left eye couldn't focus on anything... while the right eye saw very well. That said and typed, I just turned around and picked up a camera and though the diopter had to be adjusted, I could see well through the viewfinder with my camera eye: the left eye. Now that is a big relief!!

At this rate, I should be able to drive to San Jose to my next appt on Monday without problems and get my new vision into shape soon. I won't take a chance shooting a sunset as that involves looking toward a very bright object, but next week I'll go out and start shooting as a test.

On the other hand, I purchased a copy of the book of Oregon's Lane County because, even if none of my images are featured, it's still a great area that I enjoyed living in, and want a memory other than my many images. I'm also planning to attend the pre-publishing party they are scheduling at a well-known bookstore in November in Eugene... I'd love to meet the other people who contributed ~ there are a lot of gorgeous images displayed at the site and which we all hope will be included in the book!

Months ago I described the opening night of a fitness center where a few of my San Francisco images are framed and displayed there; I just got an email from the owner stating one might be sold soon and to start thinking of bringing by a subsitute. Selling any of my images is good news for me!

One of the greatest things I love about the internet is not only the means of realtime communications between people and the ability to be inside the world's largest library, but for me to listen in realtime the soccer games of the Spanish league, which I am doing now. I don't need eyes to listen to this and it's great to keep in touch with my spanish side... the game is just starting in a few more minutes so.... I and my new eyes bid you adios for now!

UPDATE 2pm: WoW!! I'm looking out the window at some guy illegally parked in my driveway, and I can see he has papers in his hands, and while I cannot read the text in his papers held in his hands, I can SEE the lines of text on those papers from three stories up, and my vision is still blurry!