Still Alive after all these [UNpacked] Boxes

So, we are still alive, just barely in this blistering humidity of New York state. A few weeks ago I saw a bulldozer moving an almost intact wooden shipping crate over to the side of the road to be taken off as trash. I mentioned this to Sheila, and we went over to check it out. Seems it was trash that had been sitting around for some time, with a lot of dirt and webs on it. 

Nobody wanted it but we took it to our new home and thought we might use it as a shell and a helping start for a shed, though small. That was weeks ago. We finished the move but the unpacking and organization is taking time, especially on my end. I hate boxes, but they hate ME more and I have the cuts and scars of many years on my shins to prove it!

So we've been working on this shed even before we even finished moving our stuff from the old to new. We had called a small local company to move the piano, a small upright that Sheila's had for decades. Our biggest items were still in the house also: bed frame and mattress, three big and awkward heavy dressers, portable air conditioning unit, a refrigerator we were going to swap between one left at the old and new home, and a few big heavy bulky boxes of miscellaneous items. The local Buffalo moving company did so well, the piano didn't even have to be tuned, but that in itself isn't a problem, since Sheila knows how to tune her piano also!

Is there ANYthang my Sheila does NOT know how to do? Nooooo, I've learned over our many years that Sheila has a vast knowledge, plus the power tools to build every and anything!

So we are up to our last few major steps in this shed. No blueprints. No downloaded online plans. Not even a scribbled plan on a torn sheet of paper. We are working completely out of our minds [really!] and without a script or plan of any sort, with our limits being the sides of the crate we salvaged! Really!

I estimate about a week has been lost in finishing this shed due to the high humidity. We will go out after the sun is much lower in the sky, to avoid the heat. Then the other problem was the rain, which has been extreme in the last weeks! We might work for two days, with three days off due to rains all day!

We had the roof of our little shed lower than the current wooden hand-built shed we inherited with our new home. It's a bigger shed but obviously handmade as ours is, but just more worn....  a lot more worn. We had already nailed down the roof, BUT slowly but surely, raised it to the same height of the older shed. In addition, we left a gap between the old and new sheds of about two feet wide. Within this narrow space will go our trash and recycle bins, plus yard tools with long handles. 

Today we put the finishing touches to our doors for the shed, and placed the two uprights on either side to hold the doors. Sheila nor I have never mounted a door hinge before, so that will be a first. Even the hinges we are using will be second-hand, as these were saved from an older door that was removed! Sheila calculated today that we have spent less than $25 on this 4x4-foot shed as we are constantly using old wood she's had or purchased for other projects, and had wood left over! 

I am just hoping that the coming days will NOT be as immensely humid as it's been for several days along with hours of rain recently, so we can actually spend a whole day to finish it! 

I might even post a picture of it when it's completed!

I still haven't had the time to get my portable folding solar panels mounted on the roof yet! Actually, we have NO idea where it will be mounted, but hopefully within the next week, it will be mounted, and start anew in charging our three 300w solar batteries!

Otherwise, I have also updated my online portfolio gallery, revamped the site menu, added more pictures, along with a few new galleries:

  ~ On the Road:: Travel imagery

  ~ Panoramas

  ~ Faces People and Sports

  ~ Architecture Churches and Bridges

  ~ Western New York - Upper Niagara Areas

Of course YOU are invited to visit/reVisit my portfolio, which was most likely created while I was still living permanently in Spain before I booted meself out due to the high cost of living due to the monetary change from pesetas to the gawd-awful euro....  a lot of people I know have departed the premises.

If you do visit to see my galleries, por favor drop me a line please to advise me you did visit, and if you didn't like the changes!

I thank YOU in advance, and hoping you and yours stay safe and well! 

Thoughts on a Cold Fall Morning

A Man without seeds sown, departing this Earth without Children, leaves an empty Destiny with no Meaning, Hope nor Future. All Species of this planet thrive on finding a mate to sow its seeds to continue its Heritage, and when that seed grows to finally lift its branches or eyes to the Sky and Sun, and in its own new Life will also one day mate and sow its seeds to look up and see the Sky. 

Life is to continue, NOT die without its Life continuing. 

Life is continuance.

These words are my own, not copied nor changed from someone else's mind. These words in whole or in part, cannot be copied or used without my advance permission.

Tomorrow will be Another Day

This image was posted some weeks ago, but due to circumstances beyond my control, it was not displayed. Now that it is open to be viewed, I would appreciate if you would please click on the image, or the link below for my thoughts on the current situation of world events. 

Your comments are always welcome and encouraged. Stay safe and be healthy. Stay six feet from others if you are allowed out in your area or country.

https://www.redbubble.com/people/fototakertony/works/45899642-tomorrow-will-be-another-day?asc=u

Recent Sights and Scenes

Just a few pictures of things seen over the past few days and weeks.We get out everyday (hopefully) and the things we see are breathtaking! Perhaps to others, they would think not, as most of the things we see are simple scenes that happen once in a lifetime: lovely clouds, gorgeous trees, a flower or something else.....  it's those simple things that touch our soul/alma to open our eyes, our hearts and our minds to something else that is so very pleasurable, aside from that device in the hand. 

A fabulous sunset of a few days ago

Last night's sunset over the Upper Niagara River

All of these and many more moments, are UNedited, uncropped and all captured with my screwed-up smartphone which is still acting up (every single day and even every minute) simply because my SSG S5 doesn't get Android operating system (OS) updates any longer. 

NOTHING works properly now  :(

It's stuck on version 5 forever, and since years ago, when it began with error messages (which now literally happens every minute everyday ~ really!!). I am angry that Samsung could create and build, then SELL such a "smart" phone that basically is worthless after its OS is not updated any longer. 

I can understand not supporting the OS any longer, but for the system to give so many errors every minute it is turned on, is beyond me. It should work as if it were new, and NOT be a pain giving errors and apps dying and having to be rebooted every ten minutes as it is now for over a year, and crashing every few minutes. Not even the Samsung apps work properly! 

There is not one app or samsung android function that operates correctly, and this has been going on for over a year!

You can bet my next phone will NOT be a samsung; they have lost a client that previously, I have raved continuously online about my previous S4, and now the S5 I have had all my time while in WNY....  now the only thing I would rave about is the unreliability of the phone, which is the only constant!

Enjoy the moments ~ moments that will only come once in your Life, no matter how many times you think it looks like yesterday, last year or whenever you saw it. It will never be the same - NOTHING is, though you'll think it is exactly like the last time! Those simple pleasures are truly the treasures of your Life! Enjoy it now while you still realize they are true treasures and pleasures that didn't cost you a penny, save for the time it took you to look up, see it, and stay in pause mode to enjoy it before it disappeared for ever!

Moon watches over feeding deer yesterday

Watching the rain fall

An hour after this, the rain could be seen (and felt!)

Oooooh, those gorgeous clouds!

Would you pause to snap or sit and feel the wind?

Looking UP gives fabulous views

Watching storm clouds roll in then feeling the cool winds of the rain

Late July 2019 sunbeams over the Falls!

so many....

Another cold day in San Francisco but also a colder day elsewhere. There's always someplace warmer o colder than where you are, and if you think of it, you can warm yourself with that thought. Who doesn't dream?

With the news these days attacking and hounding yet another personality with details of a personal life, it just seems so insane. Who is the perfect husband or wife? Who can honestly say that their life is the only life that is without mistakes? There isn't one individual in this world who is perfect... of course, if one thinks this, they are probably living a lie.

For many years I've know people... many people. As a photographer, I meet a lot of people and many become friends. Still others become close friends. In my life young and old, I've had the curse or blessing to just have people come up to me and tell me things. Intimate things.... very personal things a stranger shouldn't be told. Yes, this continues to this day but I am not complaining. I am honored any person would trust me enough that they share tidbits of their past, current or future life with me.

Some persons I've known are in such depressing relationships - it's so unfair to both. I have known and still know many others (growing by the year) people who are in "relationships" but it's an unreal situation. I know too many women who are married who sleep alone.... rarely if at all, talk to their husbands. Why is it it's mostly women and not men? Regardless of gender, it seems so unfair. The male of this "couple" does nothing with the woman to whom they are married: not cooking, no traveling together, no nothing. It has caused me to lok at couples I see on the street, wondering if they just met, or even if they know each other. Too often I see a "couple" together but walking so apart from each other... one wouldn't even be able to tell they were together but for the constant distance from each other.... and when one stops, the other might stop too but at a distance. I used to know a couple and when one would stop to talk to a friend met on the street, the other would continue walking. How rude! I asked why is this and she told me "Oh, he doesn't like my friends so he moves on and stays busy till I'm finished". If one is a couple, they should together join in presenting and communicating with this friend.... I think it is rude and inconsiderate to act in such behavior. I would like to see if there is an increasing rate of this happening in couples....

My opinion is that if a couple cannot stay together, they should separate. Why not" it's just a charade that isn't being kept very well. To stay together is an insult to both individuals and to those who know them. If the woman isn't sleeping with her mate, isn't eating with him either, and doing much much less, one should leave. Unfortunately in this day and age, I suspect this happens more than previously thought.

If someone really loves a person but cannot live as a true couple bound in love, then that love is gone. Let that individual go to fly again.

A dear friend of mine lost her mother, a fine lovely lady whom I had the pleasure of meeting, though not under the best of conditions. My friend cared for hermother alone, holding down a fulltime job and still trying to prvide the best care possible to her mother. I wonder how many people are doing this all over the world? It's something that will increase in time as the current population grows older and longer with us.... but the longevity of Life presents another problem to those who are our children: Where is the fine line that defines "Quality of Life" if the person does nothing but rusts away as does a nail with water, a once-loved car that now sits quietly in the corner, or a friend who is forgotten with time?

I am not saying my friend forgot her mother.... oh no! She did quite well, alone and working, still caring for her mother. But Quality of Life to you or me may not be the same for others. Is Life considered that when a person cannot eat or even walk alone? Is Life something that comes or goes when memory fails and not even the person caring for you cannot be remembered by name?

When it is my time to leave this world, I will go running. I will go with a loud noise, I won't be quiet. I want people to SEE me running and active, and with the noise I make, that I am not going of my own accord. I want to see places and people. I want friends, the very few I have... to talk to me and I will remember their names. I want to keep on exercising with that weight I call a camera, to record places and things I've seen and want to remember and share with others. When I sit down and cannot get up, cannot eat without assistance, when someone must bath me everyday.... when I sit forgotten because the world is passing me by.......

then I am ready long ago. Take me because then I am not alive, and Life is no longer in me.

I always think.....

... that someone somewhere is having the last laugh on me.... or is it actually having the last laugh on us?be my wingman,
and I'll be yours

I was told when I first arrived to live permanently in Spain almost two decades ago that I would never make big money with my photography, something I perfected over the previous two decades while in the Navy. Through pushing my photography and working some very long and hard hours, I soon had a lot of business. What's long hours? At that time I still shot my own bulk-loaded film - never had enough money to buy pre-loaded store-front film. I would shoot up to four individuals a day, then spend all night developing the film, drying it and having the contact sheets to show all four. Yes, to show them their contacts the very next day! If I shot in the morning, I'd show them the contacts the next afternoon. If I shot them in the morning, if my schedule wasn't very busy, I could even work my butt off and show them their contacts that very same night!

Granted, I didn't sleep much but I never sleep much. I see sleep as lost time - I never needed more than a few hours even as a kid. Plus I liked doing the processing and printing in my darkroom during the night, so I could leave windows open... the fan is blowing and it was much cooler during those hot spanish summers.

I made quite a few bucks/pesetas in those early days. I later proved the person who told me I'd never make money in photography, then everything started to fall apart. Now I can count the pennies I earn - if that at all - in years.... I sometimes think a homeless person on the street gets more change than I do in a year.

People don't realize that an artist feeds off society. That society now hates me is proof why I am not making any money with my camera. Life hates me so much that even my cameras breaks when I should be broken, and it pains me immensely to have a broken camera and because I have no money, it's hard to think: I need a new lens but how do I get it?

When that passion gets the worst of an artist, soon it turns to self-pity and soon after: suicide. I have gone through all of it, even to be abandoned by people who know me, people who called me their best friend, and by people who wanted me dead. If you want to be truly miserably depressed, be someone alone who lives without friends.... that is one nightmare I wouldn't wish my enemies, and believe me I have a lot of enemies!

But oftentimes, I wonder what my purpose in Life is, if I have any purpose at all. I started typing thinking to put up a few pixs recently captured, but instead it has turned out to be a revelation of worth (or worthlessness), passion and compassion, and dam scared of my future. I know I am moving back to Spain, well-knowing it was STuPiD of me to even leave in the first place. I didn't have the money to support any of these decisions or directions taken, and here I am again in that position of what am I going to do?

Life is endless, but so is misery, death, and doubt. If you know an artist, support that artist or you might be seeing blood sooner than you think. Art needs to be cultured, appreciated and shared, and it seems we all do so little of it in our lives.

Here's a few pixs taken within the last few weeks.... yes, I am copying image files seemingly without end. I've been doing this for over a year now, bit by bit trying to reach my goal of finishing it before I leave San Francisco and am back in my apartment (piso) in Spain.

Everywhere I have gone to live, people told me I would be very successful with my photography and in my life, when in reality it bombed worst than before.... I wish someone would predict I will die, so I can begin living!

sometimes the things we should see,

are the things we don't see throughout
our whole lives

it only takes a second to see
and
appreciate the wonders we miss each day

don't ask nor hesitate, just take a seat

do it, and do it well and someone will notice

there's always light at the end of the tunnel

forward, always forward through the chaos
what are YOU looking at?

Sometimes.....

It amazes me constantly. Having attended a wedding recently, I am always reminded of the unique and constantly changing moods of Man. How an individual can change so much, to show great compassion or hatred... to be so tender in some moments and then display brute force in another. Oh, I am not referring at all to the wedding - but as a general statement of my observances of Man.

Being ex-military (there... I've said it!) and having crossed this world a few times, plus having had the opportunity to live in difference places in my life, I've seen more than what the normal individual should be allowed to see and experience. That I have worked positions of physical security has exposed me to even more.... of course a normal citizen shouldn't be thrust into such levels of revelation... and while I don't enjoy seeing the sad face of Mankind, it is also a very interesting story and performance.

As a photographer, I have seen even more.... is it possible? I have captured many faces... virtually and real, construed to be real and posed to appear real. I've seen nice people act mean, and mean people who seemed incapable of feeling emotion, but cried like a baby. I have worked alongside those who seemed physically incapable of great feats of strength and in the time with them, noted that they surpassed their physical limitations in a positive way. Bossy people without a kind word would show a rare and in-depth side of themselves that surprised me... while shy and kind folks shocked me by acting out the opposite sides of their personalities.

The human side of Man is such a constant; it is no wonder that throughout the ages Man is and will always be the subject of many words and film performances.

Though I have been honored to have been able to associate with very kind and generous people during my lifetime, I have also seen my share of stupid acts of immaturity ~ age in my opinion, does not improve the level of intelligence, but only serves as a constant reminder that the old can be foolish and childish, and the young can oftentimes be more mature than their elders.

One does not have to be a certain age or having some vast experience in anything, in order to make a fool of themselves. Nor does it pertain to just one gender over the other, but of course my observations are not exactly approved by the members of most of the Earth's population.

Life is a roller coaster of emotions, experiences, trying times and beautiful moments however rare. It gives me wonder often, and also saddens me to the point of tears. I see the homeless and the rich, and think of such constants - what if they were to be traded in positions and homes for just one year? I have laughed at the maturity of tiny six-year olds, and in awe by the foolishness of 40-year olds. I have seen and felt the compassion of complete strangers and the wrath of "friends" who left me by the wayside.

Life is the best reality anyone can have. There is a world beyond our computer monitors and the tiny animated screen in the living rooms of the world. To live and rejoice in its color, its pleasures, the sadness, and the wonder of this Reality is more than anyone can ask. There is NO script, no lights but that glorious sunlight a few trillion miles away....

Let's bask in its warmth, its cold, its compassion and its hatred.... solely because it is Life, and it's the only one to lead us along our Destiny to the fin of the book, the end of the movie, the final commercial, and to our last pages....

Life has its times good and bad ~ we all know how it goes. It's sadness that bring misery to our hearts but without the heartache, how can we appreciate the good times, the pleasures and the joy? Sometimes one has to hit rock bottom in order to realize the climb back to the top can be one of joy too.

And when you reach the top, rest your body and take in the view.... I'll be there to enjoy it with you.

the golden gate.....

I am always miserable when I see a sunset that is so beautiful that my bones hurt. It happened again when few days ago when I saw from my bedroom window the clouds start to turn pink...... .....sometimes I think I am back inside my apartment in southern Spain since from my balcony windows I can see the beginnings of the sunsets, and have just ten minutes to walk quickly to the beach with camera in hand....

I love watching the sunrises and sunsets... if you know me on Facebook you'll know I try to describe the sunrises I briefly see and often cannot record. I can see a bit of both from the windows of my cell. I can see just a bit of the East Bay and just a bit more of the North Bay and Richmond across the bay.... as I type this I can see the calm light blue waters of the San Francisco Bay and it looks so peaceful and lovely... sighSo, the other day I missed a gorgeous sunset.... I hate it when I am inside organizing my files. I spend so many hours doing this... it seems all of my work to be done involves a keyboard and a monitor.... it seems to me it's inhuman to be indoors when the sun sets when I should be outside enjoying that final splash of color upon the hills, seeing all the windows brighten as they reflect the lowering sun... last night's set was no less than a flaming glow that burned the clouds, put the bay afire, and had everyone out to watch this glorious colorful day's finale.Why would anyone, me included, sit in front of a computer or even worse: a television set when the real drama that is Life sits beyond our imprisonment of confining walls. I wonder if this generation will remember where the air is free and filled with laughter and sadness, hearing the noisy sounds of the day and muted sounds of each night... and recall easily a time and place when kids and adults mingle in that non-virtual reality show that does not come to us through emissions or cables.... sigh

On the other hand, I have been shooting black and white more... I love BLACK AND WHITE!! I love the softness of the grays upon skin, and the shadow details when there is texture... and there is LOTs of texture in this world we call Life!I remember a time past when, for over 30 years I loaded film for my hungry camera into those tiny black film cassettes, and processed film within a small dark room. After I started living in Spain, I built my own dedicated darkroom, then would shoot during the day, then process and print during the night..... and I intend to return to that life within a few more years.... :-) I don't want to live in front of a monitor, looking at digital images, wondering how long my virtual negatives will exist on CDs, DVDs or on some hard drive.

I want to touch my negatives..... want to see the magic of photography as the images appear before my eyes in the dark....

From last night, I share with you these images from my mind and my eyes.... if you see beauty, then thank Nature and Life. I am just a traveler in this world, passing through ever so slightly and softly... never to return nor to look back.... eyes always ahead to the future.... that isn't virtual but a Life of real dreams, real people, with its disadvantages of fears, its cries of pain and tears, but also of happy moments and love, laughter and words....

Always One Step ahead of the Other

Went to see the sunset again tonight, but I went to a location I've never been since living in the City.... I arrived late and lots of people about, mostly tourists - locals never watch the sunset as they are too busy - but I was there....

It's amazing how something so simple as seeing a sun disappear, can make one so sad. One would think it'd be a pleasure to watch, but it's been a long time since I "watched" a sunset. These days I observe it to determine my best position to record it... then I start looking around for a better vantage point (there's always a place better than where you're standing). I try to see where the sun will disappear from my sight, and how it might appear in my camera.... you get the drift: it's been a long time since I've had the pleasure of watching and enjoying a sunset....

sigh.....

This sunset ~ and many others ~ make me reflect on Life... I won't look back. My thoughts are on my future and how to arrive to that point of time in my future when I can stop dreaming about it and it becomes a reality finally. I am "counting down" to my return to my own apartment and small as it might be, it's mine. It's clean, it's bearable and perhaps not the nicest but it's mine. It's my home and I miss being in my apartment. I know where everything is and everything belongs to ME. I clean up after myself and when I get bored, I take a siesta....

The hardest thing I have had to adjust to and to attempt understanding while living here, is why some people analyze the smallest simple thing and how it is blown all out of proportion... from something so harmless it could be put off till doomsday, but in their mind, it's a life and death situation and it has to be done right this instant!

I can see why this culture has such sickness and phobias, some real and others imagined. Why can't things just be better and simple, as it should be?

Oh yea: that greed thang is very annoying too....

I have so many sunsets remaining... I can't see them all but that doesn't worry me. In my corner of Spain, the sunsets are gorgeous and I'll see them when I can, and if I miss one - there's always manana....

I am impatient to leave and I'll miss the great things I've seen, but I'll be happy... I'll be looking forward, thinking of my future joys and never to look to what was and only to what will be. Why dwell on something that has happened and you can't change anything? In fact, why even stress over things that are beyond your control, that you cannot change? Time for a siesta!

On the other hand, I am always interested in, and looking for new things to do in my passion of photography. I've just "spoken" with a friend, model and photographer Naomi Strange who lives in the East Bay, and we are now tentatively planning a virtual exhibit with another photographer of a very interesting concept: how two different photographers SEE and capture one subject - stay tuned for details. I've photographed her as a model (she has gorgeous skin and eyes), and she has a very nice eye in the things she photographs.... it'll be an unique personal project to see how a male and a female photographer sees one subject and creates their two separate and individual imagery! If we are lucky enough to find a locale for hanging prints, perhaps we will have an exhibit that will be both a physical and virtual display of the photographs! Surely the idea has already been done, but it'll be different for us as we work alone.

Stay tuned to this space for updates on this concept!

cleaning out my old sent box - my life in emails

It's not easy seeing where your Life has been - no better method of "seeing" its direction but through cleaning out your old emails in your sent box. Seeing emails dated while living in Spain, later emails upon my arrival in Eugene were a revelation; even more those emails after my move to the Bay Area.

Then I've reading through the other stuff.... emails to models hoping {begging} for a foto session and being refused. People and others who posed for others of lesser abilities photographically, and never posing with me. Models who were excited about an upcoming foto session with me, and never showed up... flakes who were just like snowflakes... appeared from seemingly out-of-the-sky, then disappeared and with just a few words here and there, gone as if they never existed. Others who even bragged about their opportunity with me - called me an artist - and were so "looking forward" to my photographing them... they too like leaves on a dying tree.... fell and disappeared.

Virtual letters from people whom I knew to be ~ thought I ~ good friends and then disappeared without a trace when I moved to the USA. Friends that were and later friends I knew and had, but no longer... never without a reason. Thy just died virtually and left no forwarding soul to contact.....

Yes, that and this now has been my life... sad and depressing. I don't know how many times I've been told that they "love my imagery and can't wait to be photographed by such an artistic artist" and then I never hear from them again... It's depressing when this happens on such a routine basis that one wonders if the life they are supposedly living is real.... or not.

I got upset before - not any longer - when I see someone whom I wanted to photograph - pose for someone else. I don't have any money to pay models and I get turned down by any and everyone. Yes, quite sad but who cares.... they have their life and don't care about how I feel.... later I'll see through their modeling website that they had posed free for some other photographer, who had/has less vision than I... the pictures being little less than studio snapshots a 5th grader could've snapped, or nudes so horrid who but an idiot would display them? But they do and they have...

I remember once a "friend" - no longer as she abandoned me too - wanted me to do a portrait for her.... bragged to all her friends and family of this upcoming portrait session with me. Months later I saw her casually on the street and asked what had happened with that need for a portrait.... she just shrugged and said she went to a studio and had them done. I asked if she liked the results and she told me no, then proceeded to describe each and every little detail of WHY she didn't like them. I told her she shouldn't be telling me as I was not her photographer - she should tell that studio.... she stomped off and I never saw her again.

Now it's difficult to talk to people about my photography - I am always wondering: will they be like the rest and just say things that are nice, but the truth is.... they will disappear like the others....

It happens so often....

I've often wondered should I give up this hate/love relationship with photography ~ how I love photography but it and the people who see my work hate me and my images so much as to avoid me so. I remember how some people would stare at me as they would a fly when I told them I was an "artistic" photographer; after a few days they were awed as they described how they felt so together with the beauty I had "captured". They were agasp when I told them I made very little money from my photography..... they too promptly disappeared as do the others.

As I write this, my camera is again in the shop for the same problem it's had three previous times over the past few months and I haven't even had it a whole year! Have previously tried to stay away from a camera, but tis difficult because it's like chopping off your hands, your feet and walking blind into the darkness....

But they don't care.... I feel so bitter at times but who cares.... to go begging online to create pictures for someone.... If I had the money to pay for a model they would probably still turn me down.... I am "so" artistic they don't see how I feel when they turn me down and go to some other less-experienced photographer. They don't see my hurt when I see their newest cheesecake pictures taken by some guy with a camera who does his work more to see nude women than anything else, and makes more money in one day through his photography than I have made in the last five years.

They don't care how I feel.....

Right now I am listening to flamenco guitar music off the internet, listening to the spanish-style music all day and wishing I were back in my small apartment in warmer friendlier Spain... not restricted within a cell of so many feet and with no room for my clothes, my things and my memories. That I must relocate things each and every day just to be able to move around and do things ~ for that reason often I cannot find things.

This is not Life......

the continuing saga of CSI....

.... still amazes me with its depiction of this so-called Life we see with our eyes, and through this virtual world. Life in itself is so similar to what we see on the tiny screen... with its twists and turns, a plot so thick you need a magnifying glass to determine sometimes which way it will turn.....

Is our Life so insane that it is really as it seems on the television, or is the television so dramatic that it builds our Life for us, by influencing what we see, how we think and even in rare cases, cause those with less sanity than the norm ~ and what is the norm if such a thing exists ~ to copy what is seen virtually.

It's the complexity of Life that causes us to experience deep thought, profound moments that make us smile, laugh, cry and cause us deep sorrow. It is this that causes me pain... knowing that what I see on CSI is such virtual reality that Life itself is even worst than what we see through that box.....

Though delayed, these first two episodes have not failed me to see what they have in store for us this season... and if Life is any reference, that its real-time ups and downs will be portrayed realistically and accurately ~ as always ~ and will always move me to such emotion that I can't help but wonder why Life is even worth living in such sorrow.

would you mourn for me?

It's been two long weeks waiting for the season's opening of CSI, and it was worth it. There has been NO other series on the little screen that has moved me as much as this... and the Las Vegas version has been the cornerstone of the spin-offs, which I feel are not as emotional nor as real as CSI on Thursdays.

Tonight at the episode's closing at the funeral, I will not believe it if anyone watching this say they did not shed a single tear.

This series, for the few years I have watched it, has moved me...
** emotionally, for its profound understanding of the human mind, and how it is interpreted for its viewers....
** for its accurate realism in protraying real lives, real people and real and true situations as much as possible
** deeply, for its meaningful manner of invoking situations and emotions that seem so real, that the scene and emotion protrayed could very well be yours, or mine...

I've watched less and less of television since I left the states and lived in Europe, but this is one program I will always watch with deep loyalty.

Though a virtual character has died, I have been moved so much that it could have well been my best friend that had died in reality.... Why can't in this real-world real emotions like this be seen, felt, and/or offered? Where friends are friends and will protect you, support you, and be with you in your good and those bad times? Why do we require a computer to live behind when there is a real world beyond that screen, past our walls and in the non-virtual streets that we walk less and less upon each day?

And why, in these modern times, do we need a television series so profound as CSI to show us HOW we should feel for each other, that WE are human too and not perfect like machines, and FRIENDS should act in such a manner... like the old days... when friends were true to our dying days, and more.....

WHY?

I was trying to park for just a minute in a yellow zone ~ yeaaaa, I know ~ and when the tires were done turning, I looked toward the parking meter, and saw the words on its post... listing the towing warning and when parking is allowed, and then it dawned on me:

I was sitting inside my car, still belted in and behind the wheel, and I could see the words on that parking meter post! Even when I had glasses, I couldn't read the words!

It's not only a miracle, this bit of modern technology, but amazing! That in some little-noticed daily routine of Life that everyone takes for granted: breathing, touching, drinking, seeing.... that I could see well without glasses for the first time in soooo many years!

Everyday is a revelation for me in regards to my vision. Sometimes I cant see well, or hardly at all, and after a few simple blinks, my vision return after the cornea is a bit more well-moisturized.

Today I was on the road almost all day and didn't get back to my cell till after sunset. I had missed two of my required eye-drop applications and my vision paid dearly... I could hardly see at all during the drive home in the dark night. However I still know that my eyesight is better now without glasses than it's ever been in the last four decades!

We take so much for granted, and we don't realize how much we have (or not have) till it's gone..... or in this case, till something that has gone bad and has been replaced.

And yes, I did try to blind myself looking directly into a bright golden sphere tonight. But one needs to see what is all around... as in most events... there is more to the eye than the main "performance"... one must look elsewhere, because the main event is often just one part of a whole scenario that often we forget to notice....

It's when we take that moment to pause for a second to see what else there is, then we can truly appreciate what Life offers and how WE also offer something in return.

another gallery showing finished....

well, I just returned home from picking up my framed images from the group show in Berkeley. What can I say? It was my first actual gallery showing in the United States, first time showing in the Bay Area, and the first-ever display in my life as a photographer to be attended by any of my family, since I have only exhibited previously outside of the United States; my sister and one of my three brothers attended the opening night.

While I didn't sell anything, I was present to see, hear and read many fantastic comments about my work, especially the four Kat Love images that I had framed two images each vertically matted within a single black frame. It was hung on the wall behind the gallery's front room high on the wall behind the workspace counter, and on opening night there were several people who just stood there, motionless in the bustle of an opening night in a small crowded gallery, just staring at my fotos. It was a great pleasure for me to see such reactions, and it moved me deeply. I always have thought I have an immense talent for photography, and to see it recognized in one way or another is always good for the general morale of an artist - and I do consider myself an artist. I also needed that morale boost a lot!!

I was hoping one of the Kat Love images would be sold; they were priced quite inexpensively so I could recoup at least the framing costs, but that didn't happen. Of course, I couldn't afford to frame my images so my sister graciously paid for the framing. Oh well.... now I start looking for another location where I can hang and show my art.

I continue my occasional breaks from boxing, cleaning and moving boxes of stuff down six flights of stairs, these breaks for my photography being my sole source of relaxation and diversion from the cleaning and organizing. This weekend I'm hoping to get some pictures of the triathlon starting from the Marina, plus later the same day, to tour the interior of San Francisco's City Hall which I have heard is very ornate and beautiful; I've been wanting to see it but because of my hectic crazy schedule haven't found the time to do it. It'll be an eye-opener I'm sure!

As always, I have many images displayed at my website plus some samples of my second-ever session with a mature male nude model.

Here are some images I've created in the past few weeks/months:

Raelyn Mouse in Oakland (I think that was the location)


FitnFifty helps me find the light



Union Street Fair offers some great "still-life"



the Bay Area is a cup of light and shadows no matter when one looks