Thursday, September 25, 2008

I was trying to park for just a minute in a yellow zone ~ yeaaaa, I know ~ and when the tires were done turning, I looked toward the parking meter, and saw the words on its post... listing the towing warning and when parking is allowed, and then it dawned on me:

I was sitting inside my car, still belted in and behind the wheel, and I could see the words on that parking meter post! Even when I had glasses, I couldn't read the words!

It's not only a miracle, this bit of modern technology, but amazing! That in some little-noticed daily routine of Life that everyone takes for granted: breathing, touching, drinking, seeing.... that I could see well without glasses for the first time in soooo many years!

Everyday is a revelation for me in regards to my vision. Sometimes I cant see well, or hardly at all, and after a few simple blinks, my vision return after the cornea is a bit more well-moisturized.

Today I was on the road almost all day and didn't get back to my cell till after sunset. I had missed two of my required eye-drop applications and my vision paid dearly... I could hardly see at all during the drive home in the dark night. However I still know that my eyesight is better now without glasses than it's ever been in the last four decades!

We take so much for granted, and we don't realize how much we have (or not have) till it's gone..... or in this case, till something that has gone bad and has been replaced.

And yes, I did try to blind myself looking directly into a bright golden sphere tonight. But one needs to see what is all around... as in most events... there is more to the eye than the main "performance"... one must look elsewhere, because the main event is often just one part of a whole scenario that often we forget to notice....

It's when we take that moment to pause for a second to see what else there is, then we can truly appreciate what Life offers and how WE also offer something in return.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Oh... double crap!!!

Just back from my second followup at the San Jose clinic where they advised me my eyes were healing quite nicely. The protective clear contacts were removed ~ or should I say they were peeled off my cornea and was I ever glad, though my vision went lousy again in having to readjust yet again. I'm still very happy with the progressing results and I realize it'll take time before my vision gets as "good" as it'll possibly get. I've driven a few times at night now and I don't see any of the halos some have been warning me about, and though bright daylight bothers me still after decades of being protected from that, I'm even getting used to that!

To "celebrate" this milestone, and quite satisfied by my first camera test Sunday, I went out with my camera to shoot the sunset tonight, though possibly I might have overdone it.

Not like an overdone steak on a sizzling grill, nor a too baked potato in the oven...

Sure, that golden sun was bright, but it was also so beautiful... I've blinded myself many times previous, even after I warn friends and others not to look at the sun until it is lower in the sky....

Did I possibly harm myself or worst: did I harm my new vision and the still healing cornea?

But look at this image; was it worth it?

If just to capture one last glimpse...
One last soft kiss...
one last tender embrace...

Would I?

Should I slip from this golden paradise after such a vision
after your loving lips
after this last farewell embrace

Would I?

If my eyes could etch into my memory the ocean wide
remember that last look upon the beauty before me
and many other delights previous
would I sacrifice my vision
my eyes
for such beauty not otherwise seen in a life so simple?

and if that were to be my brief death....
then be it so
take my eyes,
for I have often stolen that delightful scene
the unforgettable view
that splash of color so vivid

my desire for such glory has smitten my soul
my mind
and my eyes

and I in my darkness ever more
stay this the last beauty my unseeing eyes spy ever again

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Walking with a new vision...

....can reveal so much. Glasses slipped down on my nose for nearly four decades and from my very first to the very last pair of glasses owned, they have always been progressive, meaning the glass will turn dark when I am outside, and when I enter a dark interior the glass turns clear automatically. I couldn't understand why people would have a clear set and a dark set, switching from one to another when in- or outdoors. Why trouble yourself when you have have one set capable of both uses?

With camera in hand, I stepped outside today for the first time in my adult life without glasses upon the bridge of my nose, and was promptly blinded by the brightness of it all. How can people tolerate this on a daily basis? WoW! I now understand the following:
1. Having glasses serves several purposes:
a: Protective
b: Sunglasses
c: Something to do with your fingers on a hot day

Whatever will I do now with my bored fingers on a hot simmering day and there aren't any glasses to push back up? Oh, the misery!

I spent some time at the Marina where there was a festival of family kite-flying, and enjoyed the bright colored-kites but didn't appreciate the strong breeze blowing through the Golden Gate. Another use of those old glasses: a wind-block! Now I have to tolerate air blowing directly into my eyes, and it wasn't pleasant!

During this time of discovery, I stopped here and there to snap a few pictures... adjusting the camera viewfinder diopter now, a few minutes later, and again... and again. I found sometimes my left eye would see sharply, then not. Another time not, then later yes; sharply. It's a progression and I am happy I use auto-focus!

But it was something new.... though many take it very for granted to be able to walk outside with or without glasses, this is the first time since my teen-years that I've stepped outdoors without anything sliding down my nose. It's amazing the things we grow accustomed to, and how we tolerate it and even make it a necessary evil and a routine... a habit of our individual lives.

I am glad I am able to put aside finally one small but important detail of my life, and though I haven't yet purchased those reading glasses, I still am very grateful for the vision I have, and now enjoy the liberty of a vision free of other items... hanging around my neck, hanging off my nose, or something I need to remember to take with me in order to see.

It's a great sensation and very liberating!

Fourth day after eye surgery

Well, yesterday ~ not feeling safe enough to drive alone in my car ~ I rode as a passenger in a car. It's strange when you are always driving in your own vehicle, to be sitting elsewhere in a vehicle. It's a strange sensation and while it's nice to see everything pass by and to enjoy the sights, it's still an odd state of being. In this case, it was even more special as my new eyes were being tested minute-by-minute, it seems. The previous day I couldn't focus on anything with my left eye and on this day I would take turns closing my right, then my left eye and each eye could focus.... I could actually see things with my left eye at mid-day and by day's end, it was amazing to see that it was seeing very well too. I know this is a slow process where each day will be a pleasant (I hope) surprise and have I said I love these types of surprises?

It's now Sunday and the fourth day after my surgery and my eyes are even better than yesterday. I think yesterday I pushed my vision a bit too much because by time I slept at past 11pm, my eyes were as bad as if I needed glasses again, and neither could focus on anything.

Now it's again a beautiful gray San Franciscan morning and my eyes are doing well. I'm still taking the eye drops and medicine as prescribed, and am confident my eyes will be a grand performance I will rejoice in during the coming days and weeks. The hint of the end results I am "seeing" and experiencing now, and I am more than happy at this progressing outcome. That it's a slow process only pleases me more as I would have died of shock with one day being blinder than a swinging bat and the next day seeing everything in its sharp wonderful beauty!

Thanks again to everyone for your support and emails; I did stay off the computer for almost two days after the surgery as I couldn't read and didn't feel like typing, but those days are over and long gone.

I cannot wait to use the camera again and start seeing with my eyes alone, and not having to clean my glasses after a few minutes!