Tuesday, August 5, 2008

CSI ~ how Life imitates a living nightmare

As everyone who reads my blog ~ all four and a half of you out there ~ I love the CSI series. Living in Spain, these series just started airing probably about 2005 and I loved it from the very start. I immensely enjoy the plot, and how they show the details of how a crime scene is analyzed and inspected, how a scenario for a crime is determined and how new facts may reveal more details of the actual crime and how it occurred. But more than that, I love the human factor in these virtual tales, and how the human mind interacts with all this data, adds invariables, mixing it up with the unpredictable human factors and even the personal lives of the CSI team.... but finally, all within an hour - commercials included - it comes all together.

Often we are all exposed to the stark reality of a crime and how it looks under a microscope; what if our lives were to be placed in the public eye... how would we be seen and interpreted, and our lives, our personalities and lifestyles, habits, etc?

I also like how often the end of the episode is not as we would want; the bad guy gets away somehow, or the dirty partner is the fault but isn't charged. In this case, I saw a rerun today - I religiously watch CSI reruns every weekday and have seen many I've never seen before, and what a delight it always is when I catch those so far in the past it seems to me, to be a yet-unseen dust-covered relic from a treasure chest!

This particular one tells the story of how a brother was discovered at a crime scene. Every piece of evidence recovered points at him as the murderer; to which Grissom later remarks: "This places him at the scene and burying the bodies, but not as the one who killed those bodies". The evil brother is the actual killer and even has the nerve to send via messenger the key missing evidence required to convict the hapless innocent quieter brother. With this new evidence, he is told that he would likely see at the very least 10-20 years as a minimum, but possibly life in prison. The brother states with tears in his eyes: "I can't survive through that...." The ending of this episode has me crying as a medical emergency is called and Grissom is nearby; seeing the running police, he rushes in also.... only to see the innocent brother lying on the floor, covered with blood as he is supported by others in an attempt to save his life. This young man has used his own teeth to "slash" his veins and was "lucky" enough to hit an artery and the floor is quickly turning red beneath him... Grissom stands off to the side staring in shock, disbelief and horror.

He watches as the life in the gasping brother leaks out, as he dies with eyes open.... and Grissom now realizes he is witness to an unnecessary death of an innocent person.... his brother had turned him in to serve the death sentence which should be for him but... what in this world is right and what in this crazy unpredictable world is just, if ever?

CSI remains possibly one of the best television series I have ever seen, and most episodes move me to tears and disbelief at the outcome and unwelcome irony.

In this same theme, there are times when my own personal life is just as much an irony as any virtual life broadcast on the little screen that I have viewed. How many times can one be subject to rejection from a single person...

It is sometimes amazing ~ no: unbelieveable, how one single individual can take my life and fill it with happiness, joy, pleasure, hope and dreams, then in an eerie split second, take that same life, and with that same voice, easily and quite simply rip everything to shreds.... seemingly without a care of concern.

I have always considered myself a very patient individual with too much damn friendliness towards others and even strangers. It seems in this case though, I seem to have gone too far and allowed myself to be used and left by the wayside once too many times not by many, but by a single individual. In my life I have abandoned no one yet I am abandoned by everyone and everything.

So, here I stand at being rejected six times by a single person whom I know to such detail, I would like to think I know - knew - every thought process of this person before it would be actually revealed.

But, here I am again: amazed yet saddened that this person has again struck me down again, and this time it will be final. Am I wrong in holding on to a dream that seems to be not forthcoming? Is it wrong to dream when the other half of you seems to be holding back? Am I an idiot just because I hold on to something I have never been lucky enough to have, and with this departure, it seems as though my dream of a happy future with someone is now more fiction than a frog's pond?

How would you react if someone abandoned you so many times... am I the only idiot in this world? Or just the only one who has dreams..... never to become a reality?

Many persons have told me, yet I refuse to listen. There are people in this world who are not as they seem. Are my glasses just too thick for me to see this? I've always been a good judge of character but in this case, it seems my character has been sold out once too many times!

I think now is a good time to move some more heavy boxes, of which in my present location I have a lot of: dust-covered boxes filled with loneliness and isolation, while others over-flow with disappointments and let-downs.

It seems my measly life has had more than its share of these items.... to which there seems to be no end. sigh

nothing like a glorious flaming sunset to clear
the mind and refresh the soul

Back to my dungeon of filthy boxes.....

is this dew or my tears that drop from my lifeless arms...
falling to the ground like a million other tears before

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