thoughts and more

I've been driving around a lot, trying to see as much as I can before I leave to live in my spanish apartment next year. In the past weeks I've driven to Big Sur, wound my way to gorgeous Fremont Peak State Park, and have a lot of weekend trips planned for the months to come. I can now even say I went to the Gilroy Garlic Festival and though it seems more like a commercial convention that just happened to have garlic stuff on grassy dusty fields, it was enjoyable up to a point. I've seen a lot, more than I ever have of my home state, but I want to see even more before I depart.... Yet another long week in Eugene next month gets me some more funds to add to my "get Tony to Spain" pot, and have extended the trip a few days so I can see some places in the Northwest that I never was able to see while living there. These little trips are memorable aside from the images I am capturing, and something I will remember long after my SF experience is forgotten.

The departure dates next year aren't set in stone yet but it can be as early as early spring or as late as mid-September. It all depends if I am able to sell my car and how long I need to wait till it's sold. Though I'll have a LOT of work in my apt, at least I'll be home finally and no more trips.

My Spain return will be so strange since first having a car in the late 70s, to be planning to be somewhere ~ anywhere ~ without a car! I've decided from my San Francisco experience to just rent cars when needed since I walk a lot and take the bus - public transportation is so much reasonable and reliable in Europe than it can ever be here. Plus the transport companies don't insult and yell at you as they do here.

While I am happy to get back to my own place, it leaves a lot of projects unfinished. Living with my sister has helped me - and I hope she feels I have helped her also - but it has left me with a giant repair bill in my spanish apt. I'll be busy for months! At least my apt will finally get finished to how I wanted it from when I first moved in, plus I have a few ideas and personal projects I'll begin in the hopes of moving air around in my apt, to prevent the huge heat problem I have during the summers. This year my little town has been hitting 90s and 100s on a regular basis for some weeks, something that has never happened while I was there 15 years till the very last two years prior to departing ~ I guess the sad reality of global warming is striking home.

My departure plans have also changed; I originally planned to bus to the East Coast and stay with friends before I fly out but as a traveler of the very mean and dangerous Greyhound buses (crazee drivers and corporate Greyhound doesn't care), plus the pleasure of being within ghetto bus stations in this grand country, I've decided not to subject myself to that demeaning dangerous and last ugly look at America - I want my last weeks to be nice and positive.... thanks Greyhound for opening my eyes to your careless drivers and sloppy operations, though if not for those dirty windows, I would've never seen a section of americana that I only see and hear about on CNNi and the evening news.

I am now hoping to fly out of California on a "comfortable" cargo plane to the East Coast, then make my way somehow across that big pond to Spain. It won't be an easy nor reliable journey, but I've done it before and one last roller-coaster ride (hopefully) won't hurt!I need an out, an escape from this unreal virtual world... I'm dying each traffic jam at a time, and it's draining everything out of me. I'm only happy when I am on the road, but being on the road isn't so wonderful any longer. I need to fly... escape out of this mess... and live my own life alone. No more false lies about happiness in the future, no more dreams of being happy anywhere with anyone.

The faces that turn to grab you and lie are everywhere... I just want something static, alive, real and one way: unchanging. I need to just GO!!